The Ashley Tisdale mom group drama (and why all moms can relate)
Why this story hits so close to home
So. Let’s talk about the Ashley Tisdale mom group fallout. The millennial irony isn’t lost on me. Sharpay Evans and Lizzie McGuire are feuding, and Lizzie might be the mean one.
I’m not here to play judge and jury. I’m here because this story feels uncomfortably relatable.
How the mom group formed
Quick background: during COVID, Ashley was part of a mom group that formed organically, around eight to ten women, many of them celebrities. Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore, Meghan Trainor, etc. Their kids were close in age, they were all navigating early motherhood together, and from the outside it looked like the dream. The holy grail. A real mom group.
During COVID, this was exactly the feel-good story we were all craving. For any new mom, this would feel like winning the lottery. So it’s easy to imagine Ashley thinking, Wow, I really lucked out.
When everything starts to unravel
Fast forward a few years, and things unravel. Group chats without her. Hangouts she’s not invited to. A slow realization that the group is moving on… without her. So she writes an article for The Cut titled Breaking Up With My Toxic Mom Group. Other moms in the group start clapping back.
The whole thing brings you right back to high school. Cliques. Mean-girl energy. That awful feeling of realizing you’re on the outside. Except now you’re an adult, a mom, and the idea of starting over socially feels exhausting. You already put in the effort. You already opened yourself up. Now you have to build a new tribe?
The uncomfortable other side of the story
But there’s another side to this, too.
We’ve all had friendships that were more about circumstance than connection. Coworkers. Neighbors. Other moms with kids the same age. Sometimes you grow into something real. Sometimes you just… don’t. And then you’re left with the uncomfortable question of how to move on without being a jerk. With the little precious free time you have, do you really want to spend it with an insufferable friend? (Hilary Duff’s husband’s words, not mine.)
Add a group dynamic and it gets even messier. Should they have addressed it directly? Kept including her out of kindness? Or is it okay to protect your time and energy, even if someone gets hurt?
Honestly, the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. Maybe the group got a little cliquey and catty. And maybe Ashley isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Both things can be true.
Why moms relate so deeply to this
What makes this whole thing resonate isn’t the celebrity. It’s the motherhood.
Most moms go through some version of an identity crisis. Your life changes overnight, and suddenly you’re desperate for people who get it. Ideally, that looks like a group of moms with kids the same age, who live nearby, navigating the chaos together.
I’ve definitely struggled with this. I had my first son in LA and had a couple mom friends, but no real tribe. I joined new mom groups that were fine, but nothing clicked. When I moved to Tampa, I tried everything. Music classes. Bumble BFF. The park. Swim lessons. I have two close friends, but overall, my efforts felt pretty fruitless.
Deciding to try again, intentionally
Now we’re moving to Pennsylvania, and I’ve decided to try again, intentionally. We’ll be there for a few years. My oldest son will be almost four. If there’s ever a time to build community, this feels like it.
So I plan to host something. I’ll post in Nextdoor and/or the local Facebook moms group.
I’ve been to both a My Favorite Things party and a cookie exchange, and they’re great formats. My Favorite Things is basically adult white elephant. You bring something you genuinely love (I brought a cookbook), everything goes in the middle, and people either pick or steal. It’s low-pressure and fun.
Cookie exchanges are just as easy and don’t need to be limited to Christmas. Valentine’s Day cookies. Fourth of July cookies. Pick a theme, show up, done.
The part I know I need to do more of
Beyond that, I’ll do the usual stuff. Parks. Mommy & Me classes. Maybe t-ball or soccer once my son’s old enough. And here’s the thing I know I need to do more of but always avoid. When you meet a woman you click with, you have to be brave enough to say, Want to grab coffee?
Coffee is low stakes. Fifteen minutes. If it’s great, amazing. If it’s awkward, you survive. The worst option is leaving the park thinking, I hope I run into that mom again.
Final thoughts
Whether or not you sympathize with Ashley (or Sharpay), we can probably all agree that finding a core group of mom friends is really hard.
So here’s to putting yourself out there. Hosting the thing. Asking for the coffee. And hoping, eventually, you find your people.